WHITE HOUSE PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM 12:30 A.M.
ME ME ME CHELLE : WAS YOUR TRIP TO MIN-A-SO-TA A SUCCESS ?
BARRY : IT WAS GREAT ! THEY TALK FUNNY BUT THEY ARE THE MOST LOYAL DEMOCRATS . IF WE NAMED A DONKEY HUMPHREY MONDALE HE COULD BE ELECTED SENATOR .
ME ME ME MICHELLE : WELL , THEY DID ELECT A JACKASS , AL FRANKEN .
BARRY : AND THAT WAS THE MOST CREATIVE VOTER FRAUD EVER , FINDING THOSE UNCOUNTED BALLOTS IN THE TRUNK OF A CAR . CHICAGO COULD TAKE LESSONS FROM THEM . IT WAS A DEMOCRAT MASTERPIECE ON HOW TO STEAL AN ELECTION , AND LOOK AT THE CANDIDATE THEY HAD TO WORK WITH , CREEPY , FREAKY FRANKEN . TEN MORE STATES LIKE THAT AND WE WOULD NEVER LOSE AN ELECTION .
ME ME ME CHELLE : YOU KNOW THE ELECTIONS ARE LOOKING BETTER , WE HAVE MADE SOME REAL COMEBACKS . CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT A $ 27 AN HOUR MAID COULD HAVE SUCH AN EFFECT ON MEG WHITMAN'S $ 120 MILLIONS OF PERSONAL SPENDING . LOOKS LIKE MOONBEAM BROWN HAS A LOCK NOW . WHO CAME UP WITH THAT STORY ABOUT RAND PAUL WORSHIPPING AQUA BUDDHA ? AND WHAT IS AQUA BUDDHA ?
BARRY : I THINK IT CAME FROM A CHEECH AND CHONG MOVIE , A HOOKAH FOR SMOKING DOPE SHAPED LIKE BUDDHA . GOOD ONE THOUGH . HOW WAS YOUR LUNCH WITH HILLARY ? WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ?
ME ME ME CHELLE : GIRL TALK , MOSTLY . SHE HAD SOME IDEAS ABOUT 2012 SHE WANTED TO RUN BY ME .
BARRY : HILLARY WANTS TO HELP ME GET REELECTED ?
ME ME ME CHELLE : WEEELLL , NOT EXACTLY . YOU KNOW YOUR POPULARITY IS DROPPING AND IF YOU CAN NOT MAKE A COMEBACK WE WILL PROBABLY LOSE IN 2012 . AND YOU KNOW I AM STILL VERY POPULAR .
BARRY : 'CHELLE ! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ? YOU WANT ME TO DROP OUT AND LET THAT BITCH RUN ?
ME ME ME CHELLE : WITH ME ON THE TICKET IT WOULD BE HISTORIC . THINK ABOUT IT , TWO WOMEN , ONE BLACK , ONE WHITE AND BOTH HUSBANDS ARE EX-PRESIDENTS .
LET SARAH PALIN TOP THAT .
BARRY : AAARRRGGHH ! HOW CAN YOU EVEN THINK OF DOING THAT TO ME ?
ME ME ME CHELLE : IT WOULD BE FOR THE GOOD OF THE PARTY AND THE COUNTRY .
SILENCE . CLICK . LIGHTS OUT .
TO BE CONTINUED
Monday, October 25, 2010
OBAMAS' PILLOW TALK 2
WHITE HOUSE PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM 12:30 A.M.
ME ME ME CHELLE : HOW WAS YOUR DAY DEAR ?
BARRY : NOT GOOD , THE NEWS WAS MORE ABOUT JUAN WILLIAMS THAN ME . WHAT IS SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT FIRING A LIBERAL TRAITOR THAT SPENDS SO MUCH TIME ON FOX ? HE MADE REMARKS ABOUT MUSLIMS THAT HAVE MY FRIENDS AND RELATIVES UPSET . ALL MUSLIMS ARE NOT SUICIDAL BOMBERS AND ISLAM IS A RELIGION OF PEACE , YOU KNOW THAT .
ME ME ME CHELLE : YES I KNOW DEAR AND I ENJOY SLEEPING IN THIS BURKHA , IT HAS A BUILT IN MOSQUITO NET . I LOOK FORWARD TO WHEN ALL AMERICAN WOMEN WILL BE WEARING THEM .
BARRY : I DON'T FEEL UP TO SEX TONIGHT , WHY DON'T WE PLAY THE DVD , THE BEST OF BARACK , AND FLIP THE SWITCH SO THE STAFF CAN HEAR . THEY WILL THINK I AM PERFORMING WITH MY USUAL PROWESS .
ME ME ME CHELLE : I LOVE THAT DVD , IT BRINGS BACK SUCH GREAT MEMORIES . HAS ERIC FOUND A WAY TO ARREST HANNITY AND BECK YET ?
BARRY : THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE WE CAN DEPORT HANNITY TO IRELAND IF WE CAN FIND A FLAW IN HIS GRANDFATHER'S PAPERS OF CITIZENSHIP . NAPOLITANO IS PERSONALLY WORKING ON IT . WE CAN'T FIND ANY RECORDS ON BECK AND HOLDER THINKS HE MIGHT BE ONE OF THE SPACE ALIENS THAT ESCAPED FROM AREA 51 . WE ARE TRYING TO GET A DNA SAMPLE TO SEE IF HE IS HUMAN . IT IS HARD TO LISTEN TO ALL THE SCURRILOUS THINGS THEY SAY ABOUT ME .
ME ME ME CHELLE : WHEN SOROS TAKES CONTROL OF FOX WE WILL BE RID OF THEM . KEEP MAKING SURE THAT HE GETS ALL THOSE DEEPWATER RIGS FROM THE GULF AND GIVE HIM ANOTHER 2 BILLION DOLLARS IF HR NEEDS THEM . HE IS OUR BEST CHANCE TO CONTROL ALL THE MEDIA .
BARRY: YOU ARE RIGHT . THANK ALLAH HE IS ON OUR SIDE .
ME ME ME CHELLE : I ALMOST FORGOT , HILLARY INVITED ME TO LUNCH TOMORROW , SOMETHING SHE WANTS TO DISCUSS . I AM CURIOUS WHAT IT COULD BE .
BARRY : BE CAREFUL WITH THAT BITCH , I HAVE ON RELIABLE SOURCES THAT BILL IS NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THAT FAMILY WHO LIKES GIRLS .
ME ME ME CHELLE : HMMM SHE DID LEAVE HER HAND ON MY BUTT A LONG TIME , SUPPOSEDLY SMOOTHING A WRINKLE ON MY SKIRT . DON'T WORRY , I AM ALL YOURS . 'NIGHT BARRY .
BARRY : GOOD NIGHT 'CHELLE .
Note : the above is a transcript taken from recordings and released by an anonymous source in the White House .
ME ME ME CHELLE : HOW WAS YOUR DAY DEAR ?
BARRY : NOT GOOD , THE NEWS WAS MORE ABOUT JUAN WILLIAMS THAN ME . WHAT IS SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT FIRING A LIBERAL TRAITOR THAT SPENDS SO MUCH TIME ON FOX ? HE MADE REMARKS ABOUT MUSLIMS THAT HAVE MY FRIENDS AND RELATIVES UPSET . ALL MUSLIMS ARE NOT SUICIDAL BOMBERS AND ISLAM IS A RELIGION OF PEACE , YOU KNOW THAT .
ME ME ME CHELLE : YES I KNOW DEAR AND I ENJOY SLEEPING IN THIS BURKHA , IT HAS A BUILT IN MOSQUITO NET . I LOOK FORWARD TO WHEN ALL AMERICAN WOMEN WILL BE WEARING THEM .
BARRY : I DON'T FEEL UP TO SEX TONIGHT , WHY DON'T WE PLAY THE DVD , THE BEST OF BARACK , AND FLIP THE SWITCH SO THE STAFF CAN HEAR . THEY WILL THINK I AM PERFORMING WITH MY USUAL PROWESS .
ME ME ME CHELLE : I LOVE THAT DVD , IT BRINGS BACK SUCH GREAT MEMORIES . HAS ERIC FOUND A WAY TO ARREST HANNITY AND BECK YET ?
BARRY : THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE WE CAN DEPORT HANNITY TO IRELAND IF WE CAN FIND A FLAW IN HIS GRANDFATHER'S PAPERS OF CITIZENSHIP . NAPOLITANO IS PERSONALLY WORKING ON IT . WE CAN'T FIND ANY RECORDS ON BECK AND HOLDER THINKS HE MIGHT BE ONE OF THE SPACE ALIENS THAT ESCAPED FROM AREA 51 . WE ARE TRYING TO GET A DNA SAMPLE TO SEE IF HE IS HUMAN . IT IS HARD TO LISTEN TO ALL THE SCURRILOUS THINGS THEY SAY ABOUT ME .
ME ME ME CHELLE : WHEN SOROS TAKES CONTROL OF FOX WE WILL BE RID OF THEM . KEEP MAKING SURE THAT HE GETS ALL THOSE DEEPWATER RIGS FROM THE GULF AND GIVE HIM ANOTHER 2 BILLION DOLLARS IF HR NEEDS THEM . HE IS OUR BEST CHANCE TO CONTROL ALL THE MEDIA .
BARRY: YOU ARE RIGHT . THANK ALLAH HE IS ON OUR SIDE .
ME ME ME CHELLE : I ALMOST FORGOT , HILLARY INVITED ME TO LUNCH TOMORROW , SOMETHING SHE WANTS TO DISCUSS . I AM CURIOUS WHAT IT COULD BE .
BARRY : BE CAREFUL WITH THAT BITCH , I HAVE ON RELIABLE SOURCES THAT BILL IS NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THAT FAMILY WHO LIKES GIRLS .
ME ME ME CHELLE : HMMM SHE DID LEAVE HER HAND ON MY BUTT A LONG TIME , SUPPOSEDLY SMOOTHING A WRINKLE ON MY SKIRT . DON'T WORRY , I AM ALL YOURS . 'NIGHT BARRY .
BARRY : GOOD NIGHT 'CHELLE .
Note : the above is a transcript taken from recordings and released by an anonymous source in the White House .
BARRY AND ME ME ME CHELLE
SCENE : PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM 12:30 A. M. OCTOBER 19 , 2010
BARRY : THAT WAS WONDERFUL SWEETHEART, SEX IS SO RELAXING AFTER A STRESSFULL DAY .
ME ME ME MICHELLE : I AM GLAD I COULD BE OF SERVICE , DEAR
BARRY : DID YOU REMEMBER TO FLIP THE SWITCH SO THE STAFF CAN HEAR WHAT A WONDERFUL LOVER I AM ? AND DID YOU REMEMBER TO YELL SEVEN TIMES " OH BARACK YOU ARE THE GREATEST " ? I WAS CONCENTRATING ON MY TECHNIQUE AND LOST COUNT .
ME ME ME MICHELLE : YES DEAR , AND I SAID " YOU ARE SO BLACK WHERE IT REALLY COUNTS " .
BARRY : YOU KNOW TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY ARE THE ELECTIONS AND IT IS NOT LOOKING GOOD . I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE PEOPLE OF THIS UNGRATEFUL COUNTRY .
EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE IS FOR THEIR BENEFITAND THEY JUST DON'T REALIZE THAT I KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM . THEY DO NOT APPRECIATE ME AND MY FEELINGS ARE HURT . I HAVE TRIED AND TRIED TO CONVINCE THEM THAT ALL THE PROBLEMS WERE CAUSED BY GEORGE BUSH AND I NEED MORE TIME TO DIG US OUT OF THE DITCH BUT THEY SEEM TO THINK THAT SOME OF IT IS MY FAULT .
ME ME ME MICHELLE : DEAR , YOU KNOW HOW DUMB THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE , THEY STILL WANT TO BELIEVE THE CONSTITUTION IS IMPORTANT . WE HAVE SIX MORE YEARS TO KEEP THE COUNTRY GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND BY THEN 75 % OF THE POPULATION WILL DEPEND ON US TO FEED AND CLOTHE THEM SO THEY WILL HAVE TO VOTE FOR US WHEN I RUN FOR PRESIDENT . DO YOU THINK I COULD BE CALLED " YOUR HIGHNESS " INSTEAD OF MADAM PRESIDENT ?
BARRY : YES DEAR , IF WE CAN GET BY THIS ELECTION WE WILL HAVE IT MADE . MAYBE I CAN GET RAHM TO COME BACK , I MISS THAT LITTLE FAIRY TWINKLING AROUND , EVEN IF HE DID HAVE AN ODOR OF DEAD FISH . WHAT HAPPENS IF I LOSE NANCY THE NINNY AND HARRY THE HORRID ? I HAVE TO CALL ACORN AND THE UNIONS , WE NEED AT LEAST TEN VOTES FOR EACH PERSON THEY REGISTER TO SAVE OUR DEMOCRACY AND I SO WANTED TO PLAY GOLF TOMORROW .
TO BE CONTINUED
BARRY : THAT WAS WONDERFUL SWEETHEART, SEX IS SO RELAXING AFTER A STRESSFULL DAY .
ME ME ME MICHELLE : I AM GLAD I COULD BE OF SERVICE , DEAR
BARRY : DID YOU REMEMBER TO FLIP THE SWITCH SO THE STAFF CAN HEAR WHAT A WONDERFUL LOVER I AM ? AND DID YOU REMEMBER TO YELL SEVEN TIMES " OH BARACK YOU ARE THE GREATEST " ? I WAS CONCENTRATING ON MY TECHNIQUE AND LOST COUNT .
ME ME ME MICHELLE : YES DEAR , AND I SAID " YOU ARE SO BLACK WHERE IT REALLY COUNTS " .
BARRY : YOU KNOW TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY ARE THE ELECTIONS AND IT IS NOT LOOKING GOOD . I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE PEOPLE OF THIS UNGRATEFUL COUNTRY .
EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE IS FOR THEIR BENEFITAND THEY JUST DON'T REALIZE THAT I KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM . THEY DO NOT APPRECIATE ME AND MY FEELINGS ARE HURT . I HAVE TRIED AND TRIED TO CONVINCE THEM THAT ALL THE PROBLEMS WERE CAUSED BY GEORGE BUSH AND I NEED MORE TIME TO DIG US OUT OF THE DITCH BUT THEY SEEM TO THINK THAT SOME OF IT IS MY FAULT .
ME ME ME MICHELLE : DEAR , YOU KNOW HOW DUMB THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE , THEY STILL WANT TO BELIEVE THE CONSTITUTION IS IMPORTANT . WE HAVE SIX MORE YEARS TO KEEP THE COUNTRY GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND BY THEN 75 % OF THE POPULATION WILL DEPEND ON US TO FEED AND CLOTHE THEM SO THEY WILL HAVE TO VOTE FOR US WHEN I RUN FOR PRESIDENT . DO YOU THINK I COULD BE CALLED " YOUR HIGHNESS " INSTEAD OF MADAM PRESIDENT ?
BARRY : YES DEAR , IF WE CAN GET BY THIS ELECTION WE WILL HAVE IT MADE . MAYBE I CAN GET RAHM TO COME BACK , I MISS THAT LITTLE FAIRY TWINKLING AROUND , EVEN IF HE DID HAVE AN ODOR OF DEAD FISH . WHAT HAPPENS IF I LOSE NANCY THE NINNY AND HARRY THE HORRID ? I HAVE TO CALL ACORN AND THE UNIONS , WE NEED AT LEAST TEN VOTES FOR EACH PERSON THEY REGISTER TO SAVE OUR DEMOCRACY AND I SO WANTED TO PLAY GOLF TOMORROW .
TO BE CONTINUED
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